Two days ago my whole world flipped upside-down. The results of my pap came back. HSIL- high grade Intraepithelial lesion and positive for hpv e6/7. I saw it on my lab's website before anyone could even call me. I freaked out called my gyno and asked to speak to a Dr there. I didnt care. Anyone just anyone. She told me "we don't know and because we don't know we have to act like and treat this as aggressively as cancer now" so they are sending me for a colposcopy. I didnt even have to have a referral sent and complete to even go for the procedure. This will be done Wednesday. Im terrified. I never thought this would be the outcome. I thought i did everything right. Recently, I was diagnosed with pcos and I didnt even get to mourn that properly before I got hit with this. We are supposed to go out of town this weekend for my boyfriends birthday and he wants to get my mind off things before the procedure (which my therapist agrees is a good idea). But I cant even think straight. Also his little sister had her first kid and while I'm happy for her I'm sad for myself. Sorry to ramble just my mind is going a million miles q minute. I have a friend that I've known since elementary school that has been thru 10 rounds, 500 hours of chemo cause of this shit. And im just not ready. I feel like ill loose a part of myself ill never get back.