You are worthy of love ♥️

Showing this vessel the love and kindness it deserves after too many years of self-critique. 🌻

This was originally going to be a before and after series of my body since I went vegan. I took photos one month after going vegan, 18 months after going vegan and a photo today.

But the greatest transformation hasn't been losing pudge around my middle or miraculously getting a thigh gap.. (neither of which has happened) it's been about learning to love myself and embrace the skin I'm in.

I spent the better part of my teens logging my meals in fitness apps, starving myself if I'd used up my calories for the day and spending so much time in front of a mirror with hate in my heart for what I saw looking back at me. I felt worthless.

It makes me cry thinking back to all the times I shied away from enjoying time at the beach and swimming with my friends, because of the pressure to look a certain way.

My mind was a toxic place to be. I didn't understand enough about anxiety to recognise that I was attempting to control my invasive thoughts by controlling my calorie intake. Pretty soon my anxiety was getting the best of me. I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about what I was going through, because I was overweight. In my mind, it was only disordered eating if you looked thin.

But then I discovered veganism. Initially, I went vegan for many reasons - as an ethical stance against animal cruelty, as a humanitarian stance against global injustices and the environmental racism caused by animal agriculture, as well as for our planet, but I can't lie - I also wanted to look 'healthy' like all the beautiful thin vegan girls I saw online.

But what I gained from this lifestyle was so much more than just a diet. I became outraged over the injustices in our world and over time, my inner monologue stopped caring about my body and starting caring about issues that were bigger than my insecurities. I became a feminist, I became committed to unlearning my unconscious racist attitudes. I had always been told that loving yourself was a bad thing, but for the first time in my life I began to appreciate my body and love myself for all that I was on the inside. I stopped restricting what I ate and began eating until I was full.

The real glow up, the real before and after that isn't captured in these photos - the most important change, is what's going on in my mind. The way I thought about myself changed. There was a shift from craving skinniness to aspiring to health (whatever that may look like).

This isn't a typical before and after pic, there is nothing wrong with my body in any of these photos. This isn't a body positive post - the movement is not and should not be centered around bodies like mine. But this is growth.

These photos cannot show the confidence and love that I grew throughout this process. I am so sorry to my teenage self, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her, no reason to exclude herself, the only problem was with the toxic thoughts in her mind. Watching my inner monologue and speaking kindly to myself has changed my life.

Life ebbs and flows, people come and go. But your relationship with yourself is the one constant. I was good enough then, and I'm good enough now. Regardless of what I look like. And so are you.