Got my period today. On one hand I'm genuinely grateful bc it means I did ovulate. There have been months of stress where that didn't always happen. So I deeply mean I'm grateful for my period. I guess that is a silver lining in that change of perspective of things. Sometimes you don't know how to be grateful for something until you don't have it anymore. Having a period means things are working the way they are supposed to and fills me with more hope and strengthens my faith. But getting it also brings sadness in the further delay and continued wonder if it is supposed to happen for us.

This past month had felt different and I was calm and it just felt like it could be the right time that it was going to happen. I was hopeful. But I got my period today. At first I didn't know if it was implantation bleeding or menstruation so that is a tease in of itself. I'm sad. I'm crying silent tears. Tomorrow I will try my best to turn to hope again for the next time but tonight I'm sad as I once again mourn the idea of becoming a mother.