Lemme preface this by saying; yes, I know this is a conversation to be had with my husband. However, right now I need to “vent”.

My mirena was removed August of 2017 to begin trying for a second baby. So.....it’s now July 2020 and my yearly is coming up. Still no sibling for my first who is almost 7. Do I just hang it up and chalk it all up to “it’s not meant to be” or keep trying?

I’m incredibly blessed with our daughter and she certainly is enough but deep down I want to give her a sibling and I never imagined myself with one child. Then there’s my concern of too much age gap between the two.

My husband constantly says “well it’s just not been in the cards for us yet” and isn’t down for medical intervention. I’ve checked to make sure I’m ovulating regularly (so far so good) but that’s all the “extra effort” we’ve done.

Most days, I’m burnt out, exhausted and over it. He’s totally chill. Honestly most days I just wanna let it go. But every cycle I play the “is this symptom pms or pregnancy?” game, calculate a due date, think of cute announcements and when my period shows up, it hurts and I know I’m not actually over my desire to have more.

Then I look around at this insane world we live in and knowingly bringing a child into this is a scary thought.

I’m 32...I don’t want to stop trying and try again later. It’s been 3 years this time with nothing to show for it....I dont have time for “later”. Basically, I need to figure out what I’m gonna do when my yearly appointment comes around.

And if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my random vent. Sometimes getting the words out in writing help me sort them out in my head.