I just can't do this!
I'm writing this because I genuinely haven't got anyone else to turn too! This is how I am feeling and as I cant speak to anyone, I have wrote this down. Im not going to do anything stupid, I wouldn't dare. But I am.at the lowest I have ever been in a long time after today.
Dear my beautiful, gorgeous daughter,
I'm sorry I will never be good enough for you, I tried to teach you right from wrong, I tried to give you everything you ever needed. In the 2 and half years I have been your mummy, I have been criticised, shouted at and I have had days where I have cried no end.
I quit my job because of mum guilt, I didnt want to pay over a thousand pound a month for someone else look after you! I wanted to do that. That is why I had you.
You made me smile, laugh, love more than ever could have known. I never knew what real love was until I saw your beautiful eyes 😍 the first time you said mummy & I love you are everything I could have ever asked for.
Today was the final straw, I had a call that made me feel absolutely useless as a mother, daughter and friend. I got told 'im surprised your husband hasn't left you yet', 'you have anger management problems', 'you need to chill out', 'I will be the first one to report you and I will make sure your little girl gets taken from you' all because I yelled at you, yes yelled, not hit, but yelled whilst on the phone to my parents! Something which you continued to.do for the last 3 weeks and I just flipped my lid at that moment in time. I dont deserve this.
I'm sorry I'm a shitty mother, you deserve someone so much better than me! Your dad is an absolute Saint, the best husband a women could ask for. I will love you always.
Updated: I have spoken to my husband, I do feel like I have Post Natal Depression, I genuinely thought it went away x
Thank you so much for your kind words, its something I have looked at three or four times over the last few hours! I need to keep reminding myself of this and you guhs have made me cry happy tears. Honest happy tears xx