So my boyfriend and I are both virgins and we were talking about having sex soon.

Not a direct quote but he basically said “I was going to wait until marriage but idk anymore” and “I want to have sex, but idk when or how soon and you need to be on birth control first” so I get on birth control.

Now he’s like “well idk anymore, if we do have sex it’s not going to be for awhile like a long time” (I got the vibe of around a half a year at least) and that’s cool whatever idc I can wait, but I’m like why wait until after I get on birth control? Now I don’t want to get off it because I also got it for my periods but I definitely wouldn’t have gotten it unless he was saying those things.

I made it very clear that he shouldn’t feel pressured into sex because being pressured can end relationships and I can wait. But I also made it clear that whenever he wants to and I’m 100% certain he’s ready I would like to do it and I’m consenting or whatever.

So we got some alone time recently and we were getting frisky and he definitely put his dick inside me for a bit. It wasn’t awhile and most of the time we were just grinding, but I definitely think we had sex and idk what he thinks. There have been times when the tip accidentally went in and we’ve never counted that, but this time felt intentional and idk how far the line can blur where it’s just the tip vs actually going in. I want to remember the time when I lose my virginity but it’s hard when we keep making the line so damn blurry! 

I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to him about it yet but idk what to say or what to think about it. I think we had sex but I’m almost certain he’s not gonna count it. And I don’t want to say I count it in case his Christian side feels guilty and regrets being with me. Idk what to do, I don’t need advice or anything unless you have some but thanks for letting me rant I just need someone like a third party to talk to about this.