-- Sorry in advance for the long post --

I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years. We met in high school, started dating just after he graduated. We've been through a lot. Some of his family hates me, and I hate most of his family. We have an 8 month old baby together (completely unplanned). He almost talked me into an abortion. He made my entire pregnancy, up to and including the delivery, miserable. He made a point to remind me every single day of that pregnancy that we couldn't afford to have a baby, that this was not a good thing, that I shouldn't be happy or excited, that I should be dreading having a child. The day that i went into labor, as we pulled into the hospital, he was yelling at me about how he wasn't ready to have a kid. He was so distant the whole time my son was being born, barely talked, didn't show any emotion at all. I don't really know what I expected since he really didnt want a baby, but I reminded him multiple times that he could just leave me, so idk. I didnt want him to, but if he didn't want to be a father so badly, then why would he stick around? The first couple of months after my son was born, he was very irritable and didn't want a whole lot to do with him. It's weird because he would show him off to his coworkers and everything but when he was home it was different. He thought our son was cute, but didn't want to take care of him or spend time with him, and hated being around him because he cried a lot. Lately since he's started to get a personality, my boyfriend has been more fond of him, but he tells me he still sometimes wishes I would have had an abortion. Sometimes I miss my old life, being able to do what I want without worrying about a baby, but I NEVER wish i would've had an abortion. I love my son more than anything in the world. Anyway, my boyfriend has been very little help, regardless of how he feels about the baby. I have to beg him for help around the house and help taking care of the baby, even when a lot of the time I work more than he does. If he's off work the next day, I'll ask him to help calm baby maybe once or twice at night (you know, sleep regressions 😩) and he will get pissed at me. I take care of our baby all night and day and then still go into work at night, even when bf doesn't have to work. I work 2nd shift btw. I've said to him before, "can you actually grow up and act like a father and help me" and his reply was "I didnt ask to be a father." He also tends to get pissed at me because I don't spend enough time with him, don't cook or clean enough or do enough laundry. I'm not allowed to get frustrated, I'm not allowed to be tired, I'm not allowed to do my own thing or be my own person. My flaws that I have are absolutely unacceptable but the flaws that he's had for years are okay because he's "doing better" but he's actually not. I see all these people I went to school with and people on here who are so happy with their SO and getting engaged and I'm so jealous. What do I even do? If I really have to leave, then how do I do it? I never wanted to end up like this...