I feel very fortunate to have the marriage that I do. It’s so cliche but my husband really is my best friend and I love him so much it physically hurts. It really is a happy, healthy, respectful relationship that works extremely well with very little effort. We just click so damn good. But somewhere along the way our sex life became super screwed up and I don’t know where to go from here. Idk if we just aren’t sexually compatible, if age or comfortability has played a factor, or if it’s purely a psychological or medical issue (like ED because his testosterone levels have been checked and are good).

I think where it took a wrong turn was when we started trying to have a baby. It has been a hellacious experience for us. We’ve had multiple losses and no success in the last 2.5 years. The pressure of TTC during such a limited window of time has absolutely, 100%, no questions asked changed our bedroom life. My husband sometimes struggles to perform which obviously affects both of us mentally (And yes, I stopped telling him when I was ovulating a very long time ago so please don’t tell me that’s the solution to my problem). Multiply the stress of that on top of the losses on top of the mental anguish of being unable to turn your husband on and you’ve pretty much sealed your fate of having the shittiest sex life of all time.

BUT....several months ago we took a break from TTC, I started going to counseling (he goes with me every now and then), I’ve started working out and getting in shape, and completely took all of the pressure off of ourselves in an attempt to get back on track. It’s been several months and nothing has improved. We have sex maybe once a month (he never initiates it), he still has trouble performing, and it seems like he is just generally uninterested in having sex. Like it never even crosses his mind.

I finally told him that I can’t do this anymore. I’m at my breaking point with it and he needs to take whatever steps necessary to fix this because I have done everything I can think of and nothing is working. He told me he feels like he has zero sex drive and assured me that it has absolutely nothing to do with me at all. He scheduled an appointment at a men’s clinic and was prescribed Viagra.

Honestly I’m just so worried that we won’t be able to bounce back from this sexually. Sex has become such a negative, awkward experience for us that I’m struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Has anyone else’s sex life gone to shit then recovered? How did you do it? Any advice? I know that we CAN have a good sex life because we’ve had it before, I just want to know that there’s hope for us🤞🏼