I just need to get this off my chest and I don’t know where else or who else to turn to.

When I was about 6 my cousin began to touch me inappropriately whenever he had the chance. He was about 14 he would make me touch him in inappropriate places. He also would always tell me he loved me and that he was going to be my boyfriend and later on future husband. This happened on and off till I turned about 8. He then got sent away but when he came back it continued I was about 12 yrs old. He would always protect me and say he loved me and how I could always count on him etc etc for some reason as I got older I felt like he protected me and kept me safe and I never really thought of the past until a couple years ago when he began to tell me that he loved me and wanted to start our “relationship” again. It took me way back to the beginning 🥺 every detail was brought back. I met up with him face to face because I wanted to know why he did what he did and he asked me for forgiveness but the tried touching me and kissing me. I froze I couldn’t move I just let it happen. Why did I feel an emotional attachment to him 😖 like I love him as my cousin but nothing more. Why me 😔