My fiancé (21) and I (20) have been dating for 2 years and recently got engaged. We met fresh out of high school, and now he works a great sales job and I’m in vet tech school full time. Our relationship is great, we have sex at least once a day (a little less now since we are TTC and trying to preserve sperm count), and we are very close. You could say he’s my best friend. We are involved in a Life Group at our local church, and we love taking road trips together. The only issues we have really had stem from his bipolar disorder. He won’t consistently take his medication, but I’m working with him. The types of issues we’ve had have been, for example, are firstly him quitting his job on a whim, without talking to me first, and working at a gas station while he looked for another job. It really screwed up our credit because we both had to charge bills and max out our cards, but he ended up finding another job (like I said, a great one) after about a month. I’m also not worried about our credit so much, as we are young and have time to fix it. Anyway, the second problem his bipolar causes is his sex drive. He is very horny, and I’ve had to help him with his porn addiction by setting up controls on his phone and computer. It broke my heart once to see that he had been watching porn multiple times a day on a computer I paid for, so it really gave us no other choice but to control it with parental controls and website blocking. He was doing really great. However, recently I’ve seen our computer history cleared, so I began to get suspicious. I called the provider and obtained the web history. Well, it was a lottt of Facebook, specifically on my friend Rachel*’s profile (*name changed*). Rachel is a pretty girl, and although don’t hang out with her a lot anymore, but he has met her a few times. I don’t find her more attractive than myself though, not to be that girl but it’s true. Anyways, I didn’t confront him because I didn’t think there was an issue. Then one night I heard him giggling in his sleep saying “yes Rachel” so I confronted him the next morning about the sleep talking and Facebook. He got angry and defensive. Told me he was just looking to see where they went on vacation (it checked out, she recently posted pics of St. Barth.) But the last straw broke when I came home from studying early one day without telling him I was on the way, and he was working from home (obviously due to covid). Our couch is positioned so it’s right next to the front door, and if he were sitting on it, I could see onto his lap. My heart sank. He had a toilet paper roll, used crumbled toilet paper in a pile, a pump bottle of my aloe lotion, and my computer open on the coffee table, and he was touching himself some more :( even though we have been working on him stopping the nasty habit. Worse, before he slammed down the computer, i saw one of Rachel’s Facebook profile pictures open, zoomed, where she was wearing a bikini. I snatched the computer, locked myself in the room, and saw the history: facebook-Rachel, Facebook-Rachel, Facebook-Rachel, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It started at 11am and the last one at 2pm. Had he been touching himself to her all day? Was he even working? He got so angry and after he finally cooled down, he admitted that it was a stupid fantasy, and that it started because she would purposely pull her shirt down or pull her yoga pants up her butt when we would see her, SPECIFICALLY when she knew he was looking. Basically she was teasing him. He said she had winked at him once while she did it too. I had no idea :( and I really truly did trust and like her. Obviously Rachel has been blocked, but I’m terrified hes still thinking about her and secretly touches himself, or worse—- even thinks about her while we are TTC. He feels really bad, but it’s obvious to me that her flirty behavior, plus his bipolar porn addictions, have ruined his self control. What should I do?

I’m considering counseling for us, but he hates therapy and I’m not sure if he would admit the Rachel issue to a therapist because I agreed I wouldn’t speak about it again.

Another choice would be to leave, but he supports me and I know he’s the man I want to marry and have a baby with. He’s a Christian, he’s gotten me into church, and he’s a great man. I don’t know if I could deal with losing him, especially seeing as he’s my first love.

I have also thought about confronting Rachel, but I’m so angry with her at this point, I don’t even want to see her face again.

What do you girls think?