First times masturbating

Hey I’m 25, I’ve tried several times to masturbate but other than feeling so awkward shy weird and ashamed, nothing ever happens. Even when I’m relaxed nothing happens.

I’d really like to finally orgasm (or at least to find some pleasure) but I just don’t know how to do / if I can even do it.

I tried watching romantic/sexual movies as well as porn but nothing.

For my first organism I’d like if I could do it only with my hands without toys, because I get to stressed, weird and freaked out when I’m using a toy...

I’ve even got to the point where I’m jealous of women who masturbate and have orgasms...