I feel as though I have been abandoned. The last few years so many things have gone wrong in life that I just feel so deflated and lost. So many dreams I've had to give up on.

Like, sometimes I feel like God put me here just to fail. I feel like a failure. My friends that I had have all moved on in their lives (I'm 38, married, 2 kids) but yet I still feel like life is just so hard. I haven't enjoyed my job for years because I feel pointless and now with covid it's a 1000 times more stressful (I work in reception for a radiology practice in a high risk covid hospital) and I try really hard to be friendly and positive at work but inside I feel like I want to run away from everything. I am struggling with anger issues and sometimes I just scream and shout and all my hurt just comes gushing out which makes me an awful mom and an awful person.

I try to read my Bible and it just doesn't talk to me anymore. It's like God is silent. I have no one to talk to. My husband doesn't understand what's going on with me. My friends are all gone and even the ladies at my church don't ever call me to check on me (it's a new church we attended and after 2 months of attending, covid caused us to close down meetings - I don't live in America. In my country covid is out of control)

How do I get past this? Is God really there? Is He angry with me? Has He forgotten me? Why is life such a struggle and such a huge disappointment. Am I a bad person? Am I going to hell for questioning God?

I just cry and cry inside. I feel so lost and so forgotten. When will God talk to me again?