This morning my mom's sister called and said my grandma's memory is going. She doesn't know who me (her oldest grandchild) or my mom (her oldest child) are.

My grandma is almost 80 and her health took a sharp negative turn over the last year or so. She lives across the world, which means a minimum 25 hour trip one-way to visit. My mom was planning to go at the end of last year but postponed because I was pregnant, and my aunt (who grandma lives with) refused to let mom leave me "alone".

I've been very fortunate to not have been impacted too negatively by COVID-19. In fact, being pregnant and working from home up until maternity leave was a huge blessing.

But now my mom can't go see her mom, and she's holding it together but I can tell it's shattered her that her mom doesn't know who she is. I know she's lived a good life, but if it wasn't for this fucking virus my mom could at least spend some more time with her mom in case it is her time.

I feel so guilty that mom chose to be with me before the pandemic instead of going to be with her mom.

I'm crying that grandma hasn't been able to meet her only great-grandkids - we were originally going to visit later this year and she had been asking but we can't take the risk anymore.

I fucking hate this.