*UPDATE* first of all thank you so much for all your responses ❤️ I’ve been reading them all and you’ve all been such a great help!

So the update, we haven’t seen this dude since all that weird stuff happened, deliberately. Luckily COVID has given us a good excuse but we’ve been avoiding the hell out of him. My husbands sister has come by alone a few times to visit our daughter for 5-10 minutes but we’re under restrictions so that’s it. Anyway, my daughter just got home from my mother in laws house where she stayed over because I had to work early and it came out she invited them over last night but didn’t mention it to my husband or I. I know it’s her house and she should be able to do what she wants but am I an asshole for being pissed she didn’t mention it beforehand? They haven’t asked for him to come over to our house at all or invited us there, the boyfriend has shown no interest in seeing my husband or I again and yet the second my daughter stays with my MIL who he’s best buds with he’s right over there? This is the first time she’s stayed there in months. It makes me so uncomfortable to think he was there and we weren’t there to watch her. Haven’t said anything because I don’t wanna cause problems but my inner alarm bells are like 🚨 🚨🚨🚨🚨. I know I’m probably being insane so feel free to tell me I am but it really feels like they all deliberately kept it quiet because they knew we’d have an issue. Which begs the question - why are my MIL and sister in law not concerned we have such a dislike for this man? They’re both so sensitive and get so easily offended I’m terrified of pissing them off by bringing it up but it’s weird to me that they haven’t questioned it.

My biggest issue is I’m due to give birth in 8 weeks and my daughter was meant to be staying with my MIL while my husband and I are at the hospital. Now I know I’m going to be sitting there panicking the whole time - am I crazy? Why am I so suspicious of this guy? I think you guys are right - I think I need to speak to my husbands sister about this and get it out in the open.

EDIT: For people asking where he’s from; South Korea.

Also I have a great relationship with my MIL and literally never cause drama of any kind but that’s mainly because I’m a huge pushover and hate upsetting people. My husbands mother and sister generally dictate most of what goes on family wise which is fine with me normally but this feels different.

Original story:

Okay so this might be a bit of a long story so I apologise in advance.

Basic summary - I’m terrified that my sister in laws new boyfriend might be a child predator.

Here’s the story:

The backstory and context:

So my husbands sister started seeing this guy in January who she met on a dating app. He’s from another country and is currently living in the country we live on a temporary working visa which expires in Feb. Their relationship developed VERY fast. So fast, in fact, that he already lives at her house and they’re talking about marriage, having kids etc and honestly watching them you’d think they’d been together for 5 years. This alone isn’t necessarily an issue and it’s none of my business but my husband has expressed concern that the man may be pushing the relationship quickly in order to secure a visa. This is partly why I’m not sure if we’re over reacting and just got off on a bad foot with him.

The child issue:

So my husband and I have a 3 year old daughter who is very close to her Aunty. From the get go, my sister in law expressed how excited her new boyfriend was to meet our daughter and snap chatted him photos of them playing together. It seemed a little odd to me how often this came up, I’m talking like almost every time we would talk about him it would somehow be brought up that he can’t wait to meet her. Anyway, didn’t think too much of it - maybe he just loves kids right?

So we finally meet this guy and instantly my inner alarm bells are going off.

We had dinner with my mother in law at her house with them and this guy said maybe 10 words to be husband and I the whole time we were there but played with my daughter the ENTIRE time (I was watching them like a hawk as I do with every new person we meet so I’m confident nothing weird happened). He was picking her up, hugging her, putting her on his knee etc. He seemed to be touching her a LOT more than is normal but I thought maybe it’s a cultural thing? The excuse we were given about him not talking to us much is that he isn’t confident with his English which I accepted at the time but this all made me very uncomfortable. My daughter seemed to be having a great time though and was laughing and giggling and playing with him happily.

This was in May - about 2 days later I received a message from him on Instagram which I’ve attached. I’d wished him a happy birthday previously and have blurred out names and details for privacy but you get the point. Initially, I responded to his message but then sat and thought about how weird it was and never responded again. “I desperately miss your daughter”? His English seems okay here...At this point I was starting to feel super uncomfortable and scared but I can’t tell if I’m just being crazy - I am a pretty protective/paranoid parent which I can admit. When I showed my husband this message he wasn’t happy. He now actively doesn’t like this guy and my husband is the sweetest man who usually likes most people but has a VERY good bullshit radar.

About 2 weeks after this we went to my sister in laws house for dinner and this time he once again spent SO much time trying to play with her and get her attention but she wasn’t interested. Once again it was constant touching (nothing inappropriate obviously) just like constantly asking for hugs, pulling her arms when she walked past to try and get her to sit with him, putting his arm around her etc. This time, because I could see she wasn’t enjoying this I stepped in and picked her up and sat her on my knee the rest of the evening. By this point my mamma sirens were going MENTAL and I actually said out loud to my husband under my breath “Why won’t he stop touching her?”

I found myself avoiding leaving the room unless my husband was there to watch her and afterwards he actually said to me “I don’t want her left with him alone”. Besides all this he seems genuinely quite nice and did make more of an effort to speak to us this time. (I still can’t stand him because of this though). These are the only 2 times I’ve ever met him. My mother in law also absolutely adores him because he’s constantly cooking for her and buying her gifts which is fine, I’m really glad they get along well, but it’s frustrating because I already know she’d be highly offended if I tried to raise this issue with her. We’re also super close and I adore her, this new man is just kind of golden boy at the moment so I’m scared to offend her by talking about this until I know I’m not being insane.

SO MY QUESTION is does anyone have experience dealing with a situation like this? Obviously on one hand I’m raging and never want to see this guy again but then another part of me is worried we’re being paranoid and he’s actually just a nice dude who loves kids? Would it be weird if it was a woman doing this? Am I being sexist? How do you know when behaviour goes from sweet to predatory? I don’t want to offend or upset my SIL - she’s so in love with this guy and so happy but this isn’t good right? Hoping to hear from people who have experienced this or have any insight. Thank you and please be kind if I am being crazy, I’m just trying to be a good mumma.

Photo of message: