At the beginning of my freshman year, I dated this guy who was abused by his family and was very emotionally dependent. Let's call him James. James and I dated for four months, and I broke up with him because I couldn't be his rock anymore. (He also wanted to have sex all the time, and I didn't want to.) He cried when I broke up with him and told me that he couldn't "do this without" me. It took me a few months, but I got over him, and got to a place where I thought I could deal with him.

I started talking to this boy, we'll call him Henry, and things were going really well. He said all the right things, genuinely cared, and was emotionally stable. (Bonus points - he doesn't want to have pre-marital sex!!!) We talked for a few months, and then dated for a month, before I broke up with him bc I was getting nervous and scared. Henry kept reminding me that he wasn't James, that he wouldn't do the things James had done, but I just felt like he deserved someone better. It was during these months that I started realizing my sexuality, and as an excuse to break up with him, I told him I was bisexual and wanted to date girls (which was true, but not the whole truth.) He was so understanding (as I knew he would be) and texted me a few hours later saying that he still wanted to be there for me if I needed him.

Then the day after that, me and two of my friends we'll call them Sophia and Anna, were sitting outside at a coffee shop (thanks COVID) and my best friend, Sophia, was crying. James drove past and then called Anna, asking if everyone was ok, because he couldn't tell if I had been crying or not. This was July. I broke up with him in January. I still don't know how to act around him, and he's making my life even harder!!!!!!

But basically, I entirely regret breaking up with Henry. I think if I talked to him, he would understand and get back together with me, but I would need better emotional boundaries so I don't freak out when he says I love you. AHHHHH. That just freaks me out. "I love you" scares me. And I don't want him to agree to get back together with me and expect me to be ok, but I need Henry in my life! He's such a calming presence. And it's hard for me to talk to Sophia about it because she and her boyfriend really do have a fantastic relationship. I just don't want to keep taking Henry on a rollercoaster ride.