Sometimes I just want it to work out with the people I pursue. I don’t ever pursue them unless I know they’re single, and have feelings for me too. Every so often there’s the guy I talk to for months, and he says he feels the same way about me like I do them, and then things just never go past that. They go wrong ( because their true colors come out ) or we eventually just stop talking for whatever reason.

For as long as I remember it’s always been this way, they say they like me, some get jealous and/or protective, some say they don’t wanna lose me, but it’s never been more than that.

I don’t wanna say its because of me or that something is wrong with me, but sometimes when I get too into my head and overthink I think like that. I seen this post once it said something along the lines of “sometimes you’re the toxic one in people’s lives” I think about that sometimes, and I wonder ‘am I the toxic one in people’s lives?’ I’ve had my fair share of getting involved with the wrong people, but I wouldn’t want to be that way to other people when I’ve experienced how damaging it is. but I suppose I can never really know.

Ive asked the ones Ive reconnected with why, just out of curiosity, and they either said they didn’t want hurt me or that they didn’t think they could be the person they thought I needed. It’s a common theme and I still don’t know how to deal with or what to do with that information.

I’ve been single for a while now, and I’m honestly enjoying it. I have done so much things for myself that I haven’t in a long time and it’s amazing, but sometimes I wish things could work out with the person I would choose to pursue. Like the last guy I was talking to. In all the time we talked he honestly became my best friend. He inspired me and still does.

And then he got a girlfriend. We’ve talked about her a few times, about how he felt about her. He was torn because of how he felt about me (at least that’s what he told me). “I really like you, I really do, but I can’t do long distance. With her it’s off and on, but I right now I can’t see myself being with her.”...But the most important thing we shouldn’t forget is thats she’s there with you and I’m here. Then day they got together he blocks me on everything (All the games we played together, discord, snapchat, instagram...) and just like that our talking everyday turned into nothing at all. It kinda felt like he threw our friendship away.

They tell me I don’t need a man...I know I can take care of myself, but life feels incomplete without someone to share it with. We’re not meant to live life alone, it’s the people we share it with that bring so much more color to our lives.