Hi, this is a very difficult situation and I’m really not sure what to do. Everyone is at fault, there is no doubt about that. I just want what’s best for our kids.

So boyfriend and I had three kids together. He wanted to get a vasectomy, but I asked him to wait a few years as I wasn’t ready yet to say it was over. I had always told him I would never get an abortion, so we better use protection. However, we are both idiots and had unprotected sex and ta-dah, baby 4 was on its way.

Boyfriend wanted me to get an abortion because « we had agreed to wait » but I didn’t want to, because my rule of « I would never get an abortion trumps that rule ». I know it’s shitty, but I just couldn’t do it, and I was willing to accept the consequences of him breaking up with me over it. He ended up deciding to stay, but stated he wouldn’t be caring for that baby.

Well turns out he meant he wouldn’t be caring at all, like, never playing with it, not loving it and although living with it, he will do the bare minimum tu simply make sure that child survives and nothing more. I don’t know what to do, I just can’t imagine what all the consequences of that emotional neglect from her dad will do to this baby. And he tells me I’m forcing him to have a child, so this is my fault. I can’t even begin to understand how he can be ok with such a thing.

I don’t know what to do, if I break up with him, he will take the 3 first kids every other weekend and never see the last one. If I stay, there is a chance he will come to love that baby anyways and treat her like the others, although I would be doing most of the « work », which is fine with me, as long as he shows her love, but also there’s a chance she will grow up with a dad showing a clear preference for the 3 older siblings and that’s just not ok.

What should I do?

*** UPDATE ***

Baby is now 6 months old and he absolutely adores her and treats her the same as all our other kids. He has apologized several times for his behaviour during the pregnancy. He said he was so stressed and he really didn’t think he could handle having an other child, but how he acted was completely inacceptable. We are now using an IUD and abstinence lol, but he said if ever I accidentally got pregnant again, I wouldn’t have to stress out again because he will 100% be there for me and the baby. He even talks of an other baby in a few years, but I’m still on my guard.

Anyways, that’s the update, thanks for all your insight when I needed it.