I hate you. You ruined me. And I’ve never been the same since that one day we were seated together in English class. I thought you were so cool, I tried to be like you. I got expensive clothes like you had to try to impress you. Maybe I was just being naive, but I felt something, true friendship. Now that you ruined me, I feel like I’m questioning all of my other friendships around me... just to make sure I don’t get hurt like you hurt me again.

At the beginning of our friendship, we were both splitting from our other friend groups. That left me vulnerable to your manipulation.

Things started to take a turn when I had dirt on the friend I’d just dropped. I told you “do whatever you want with the information. I mean anything.” You nodded to me like you knew that I wanted revenge. 7th period came around, I had people asking me and saying how sorry they were for me. That they had heard the news. I went to the bathroom and one of your friends (soon to be not your friend) warned me about you. Said that you were a horrible friend. I ignored them. Naive I was. As the months went by, several people warned me about you. I ignored them. Again because I was naive, and I had trust in you.

I in the front of my mind I thought that you were a better person. But in the back of my head, I always knew that you weren’t. I just told my self that I could change you. But I quickly learned that projects are for the weekends... not for friendships.

Over the growing weeks, we became friends with two other people. K and G. K and G were best friends. As were me and you. When you and G started to get closer me and K grew more and more envious. Especially me, since all I wanted was your approval, I wanted to be equal to you.

You were popular, I saw that as being a notch on my belt, like an accomplishment to be your friend.

Later into the next year, it was the 4 of us... me, you K and G. You and G got super close, which left me and K on the outs. But you... you just got meaner and meaner. Making me feel like an alien if I had a different opinion than you... getting the whole group to agree with you. And you did the same thing to K. You continued to make racial jokes about me for a month! A whole month of dreading being around you. Like it was different than any other with you.

One of the worst parts of it, was that I’m pretty sure you had a undiagnosed eating disorder. You would do intermitten fasting, eat close to nothing during lunch and just talk about being skinny all the time. The irony of it all was that you were a size small, and we were the same size. You can just be around this and not expect it to rub off on other people. Which was unfortunately, what happened with me. It started to get worse and worse... first skipping one maybe two meals a day. Then skipping two and barely eating dinner, to where I am now. Now, I have what you would call a binge eating disorder. I’ll starve myself and then binge eat. I do stupid ab exercises just to make me feel somewhat better about myself. It’s something I constantly have on my mind. I get anxious now if I eat a cookie... something so simple.

In our last couple months of being friends, I. Was. An. Emotional. Wreck. I had outbursts where I would scream at you just because I couldn’t bare you any longer. At this point me and K had plans to leave you and G for months now. We had a plan to. Me and K were extremely close. But we had to hide that from you because you would just get so mad if you knew we hung out without you. This was one of your controlling tactics. Me and K even went on a secret trip without you and G for my birthday.

I had the most trust with K though. I told her things that very few people knew. We went to the movies once a month, K came over to my house all the time. The funny part of this whole story is that everyone at school knew how much we couldn’t stand you. Everyone. So when K betrayed me, it left the deepest cut. But you left the biggest scar.

Last month of us being friends, I was sure I couldn’t do it much longer. I went on vacation in about mid January. Leaving on that trip gave me anxiety. I was worried you G and K we’re going to see that our group was better off without me. The thing is though, no matter how much I hated you, couldn’t stand to being in your presence, I still fought for your approval. It still makes sense to me.

In the end, I was so hurt, that i knew I needed hurt you like you hurt me. So, naturally I blasted text messages with me and you and G and K. Where you and G were making insensitive, racist and ignorant jokes... even ones of you making fun of a disabled person. My immediate intention with doing this was revenge... but deep down I knew I had to fully break things off with me and you. Just so I wouldn’t come running back to you like a lost fucking puppy.

To conclude, I hate you with all my heart. You hurt me in the way I never knew was possible. I hope someone has enough guts one day to put you in your place once and for all.

Fuck you.