Sex negativity

So I've been sexually active for several years now but I always thought I'd be one of those people who never loses their virginity because I'm ugly. 🤷 Im usually sex positive and don't care about what people do if its consensual but for myself I get weird feelings.

Like I feel like sex is gross. Why would you rub your genitals on someone else's? And afterwards I always feel dirty and I don't regret it per say but I wish I was still a virgin if that makes sense. I feel wrong when my boyfriend shows attraction to me or if he says something trying to be sexy like "wait till you see what happens tonight" and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach.

But at the same time for other people I'm like yeah, do what you want just be safe. 🤷