I had my first ever BFP this past January 2nd. Little did I know how naive I was and on March 16th we go in for a routine checkup and the nurse is having trouble finding my baby’s heartbeat with the doppler. So the lead nurse comes in to help - nothing. The nurse practitioner comes in to try an US - nothing. Transvaginal US - nothing. We go down the hall to where we just had the genetic counseling and another high tech US done on 2/25 - nothing. A doctor comes in to try and he confirms my baby has no heartbeat. I’m told to go check in to L&D - we go pick up my mom and my boyfriend’s mom and the whole car ride I’m in shock, asking God for a miracle. We get checked into L&D because I’m 14.5 wks pregnant and at that point because of how my baby boy was measuring and the term - I had to go through labor. We ask the doctor to do one last US before giving me any meds - nothing. On March 18th my water breaks and I deliver my baby boy.

Well after waiting a month to try again followed by our 3rd cycle TTC - CD 19 (3 DPO) - I woke up happy - to a dream I had no idea what it symbolized - two beautiful red hummingbirds drinking nectar from our hummingbird feeder on our magnolia tree in the backyard. I laughed when I sat on the couch and told my boyfriend that morning that’s all I dreamt. Little did I know after a quick google search - dreaming of a hummingbird is a lucky omen and an auspicious dream symbol. My grandmother passed away when I was 13 and she made a huge impact in my life. I still feel like I lost her last week and it’s going to be 17 years this year - 17!! I knew those two beautiful hummingbirds in my dream were my grandmother and my little baby boy that was just floating right behind her letting me know he is in the best hands and God was getting ready to answer my prayers. I wouldn’t check due date calendars until I would get my period, but I checked last night and EDD is April 10 - my grandmother’s birthday is April 2nd.

I’m at peace knowing my baby boy was received by Jesus and my grandmother in heaven.

What I did this cycle (though I’m sure what I’ve been doing the past few months is what prepared my body):

- Ordered OvuSense to eliminate stress about inaccurate temp readings.

- Started keto again July 6th, but stopped July 17th because I met my weight goal that I could maintain.

- July 3rd through July 16th - took 200mg of ubiquinol and 500mg of maca root plus my Ritual prenatal vitamins. (My boyfriend took the same dosage of ubiquinol and maca - he’s 42, I’m 30)

- DPO Day 1-6: smoothies that included pineapple core, premier protein shake, handful of blueberries, 1 tablespoon chia seeds and spinach. I also had 3 days where I drank this antioxidant purple unsweetened tea I just wanted to try.

- DPO Day 7 onward - green smoothies with everything in the smoothies from DPO 1-6 without the pineapple.

- We also used a tiny bit of preseed 2 out of the times we baby danced.

- Lastly, I was calm and relaxed (last couple of cycles I was anxious, nervous, questioning everything). I knew something was different this cycle. I would also get post ovulatory cramps that were closer to period cramps, but I didn’t get them this month. I also have minimal symptoms compared to my first pregnancy - backache that I think may be due to my epidural from March or at least that’s what I was telling myself Minimal breast tenderness here and there, dizzy/lightheaded spells, very thirsty!, frequent urination even though I was always a frequent bathroom visitor because I drink half of my body weight in water/ day, but now I was drinking like 2 oz of water and be in the restroom every 45mins to an hour on the dot.

- Most importantly, I prayed to God. I light my baby’s candle next to his urn like clockwork.

Please don’t get discouraged and I ask you to keep trying. You will get your sign, you will get what your heart desires.

As I mourn the passing of my first baby and celebrate this new life within me I found this scripture that brings comfort to me:

I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born. Isaiah 66:9. 🌈