It's 230am right now and I just woke up from one of the most alarming dreams ever. I wanted to take the opportunity to share it and how I've learned to heed its messages.

I'm a dream interpreter, I do this for clients on a weekly basis, and it's always fun for me to see doors open to the perspectives shared and new meanings understood. I can say this for sure, only the dreamer can truly interpret their own dreams but we all can help each other be able to see sides of the dream we didn't see before. Here is the dream I just woke up from:

I'm in my house, and my fiance's phone notifications go off. I naturally go over to pick it up so I can give it to him, and it's unlocked. A picture of a naked woman comes up on his screen and at first, I feel bad for snooping. But then, I'm like wait, who is this? So I look closer and it looks like me, and then I see it's actually my sister. My heart drops a bit, and all of these things run through my head. Well, maybe she sent this picture to the wrong person. Maybe this isn't what it looks like. So I exit the photo and then I think, I'll just ask him. When I try to go back to the photo to show him, I see there are a ton of photos in his phone of naked women, and a few of them look familiar to me. There's a few that look just like his ex wife and my heart really drops at this moment. So I decide to march right over to him, phone in hand, and I say to him, "What is this?" He looks at me and says "What are you talking about?" And I respond with "This! All of these pictures of these naked women, and my sister?! Why do you have a picture of my sister naked? What is this??" And he looks and he's like, "Oh, these are just pictures. Don't worry about it. It's nothing really." And I get louder and say "I don't have pictures of naked men in my phone and this is a naked picture of my sister!! Why do you have it?" And when he sees that I'm not letting up and he can't lie anymore, he starts laughing and says, under his breath, "She said she only touched herself a little while taking the picture. What's the big deal?" And I see him fully, and my heart shatters and I smack his face. I say, "How dare you?! This whole time? This whole time, you tell me things that aren't true? That you love me and that you want to be with me? I'm pregnant with your child and your over here getting my sister to send you naked pictures and she's touching herself while doing it?! What the FUCK is this?!" He responds with "Well, if you were only a little more chill, none of this would've happened." And I go off on him. I slap his face over and over and throw myself onto him as if I can't control myself. And I'm yelling and he's blocking himself while also thinking the whole situation is funny, and then I wake up.

I wake up feeling the exact same way in my dream, and my sleeping fiance is next to me, and as I wake he wakes and sees the distress on me, and asks me what's wrong. I can't answer him as I'm still in shock and he falls back to sleep considering he was barely awake. It's 2am anyway. I just sit in the bed at this point and I let all of the emotions I felt in that dream flood me. I think, well, what is this dream trying to tell me?

I think about this dream as if I were my own client, asking the same questions I'd ask my clients, while also knowing what my own personal dream symbols are. The first question I ask myself is, "How do you feel?" I feel angry, hurt, sad, bewildered, and confused. And then I ask myself the next question. "Can you remember a time where you've felt like this is real life?" And I say, yes, I can. It was when I was in relationships where there was no trust, where I found out the whole time that him and his lovers, on many occasions, were laughing at me behind my back. While in front of me, he claimed love and all of the other pretty things anyone would want to hear in a relationship. And then I ask myself the next question. "How does this feeling show up in your current relationship?" Well, there are times where I feel I can't trust him, for no reason other than the many times before him when I was with other men, that they proved to be untrustworthy even after opening my heart to them. And it's not even my fiance's fault, but just remnants of the damage that happened in my past relationships.

As I evaluate this questions I ask myself, I see the connections in the dream. I could think that, "Oh, no! Is this a warning? Is he cheating on me?!" That would be the surface level of the dream, reacting on the actual movement in the dream instead of focusing on the inner feelings and the clues the dreams give me to let me know that this is indeed something I feel on the inside. Let me break down the dream symbols:

The house we were in is my fiance and my shared home. So therefore, this is my house, a place where I feel safe, secure, and free. This let's me know that this is happening on the inside of me. When I used to dream of true infidelity, it was always in a house that wasn't mine, or if I dream of spaces that aren't mine, I could conclude that maybe this wasn't coming from inside of me, but from an outside source. Because we were in my house or our home, these feelings are coming from me. Ok, got it.

When I saw the picture of my sister, I felt instantly betrayed. My sister? Why is she showing up? My sister is close to my heart, even though we don't get along very much in real life, I imagine there is a deep love for her that is unchanging. When the picture of her in the dream showed up, it showed me that even those closest to me, I have a hard time trusting. And I think about what I saw from my sisters growing up, the things they did to make me feel betrayed. My other sister once flirted and made out with my stated for years crush, and it broke me. I don't think I ever got over it. And my mom, I've seen her cheat with her closest friends husbands, and deny it when she was caught. I was always afraid to bring my boyfriends around her. Note, this was all when I was a young teenager, during my very impressionable phases. And I saw that even those closest to you can hurt you. Maybe this is where that lack of trust stems from. Ah, ok, I see why it had to be my sister's picture in my dream.

And lastly, the way my fiance acted and laughed at me in the dream. I felt so very hurt where life started not making sense. I started asking the questions like, well maybe I deserve a man like this? Maybe this is all I'm worth. Maybe they are all like this? Maybe I'm just meant to be messed with and laughed at, and maybe this is just how life is? And I think, well, how will I learn to trust anyone ever again? What do I have to do to help myself in these situations? Why do I keep attracting these types of people? Do I enjoy this drama and these games? Is this what I'm putting out into the world?

And I sit with myself. I analyze all of the feelings this dream brought up for me. Feelings that I thought I've dealt with time and time again, when in actuality, it is all still there. And this is where I can learn from the dream and change the story a bit for myself.

I know I have issues with trust now, i know where they stem from thanks to this dream bringing it up as strongly as it did. Dreams are this intense sometimes when we need to really pay deep attention to it. My next step from this dream is working to heal those inner traumas. Working with trust and relationships, and allowing my life moving forward to change the story.

There are so many things we can learn from analyzing our dreams to help us navigate through all of the emotions, the good, the bad, and the neutral. Dreams are here to help us and I feel like this one has definitely opened the door to healing that aspect of myself. Thank you, inner Dream Master. I am forever grateful for your guidance. 💜🙏🏽💙😊