Trying to be excited for other mamas

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I seriously hate that I'm so selfish sometimes and think only about myself. I had my baby in March prematurely. She was in the nicu for 2 weeks. My toddler couldn't come to the hospital at all so we struggled to go up there and visit my baby. It was very stressful. Then everyone was in lockdown and it was a horrible scary time and I was anxious and never got that exciting feeling when you bring your baby home. Nobody came over (obviously) to see the baby and offer help. I just felt like she came and she's here, that's it. I didn't get much support from people and nobody asked how I was doing. Then I have a friend of mine have her baby a week ago, and a group of us mom friends finally got together, and this was their first time meeting my baby. And my friend was there who just had her baby (her baby stayed at home with dad while she brought her other kids) and everyone was all over her and excited. I was too, but I just kept feeling this anxious, depressed feeling. I never got that when I had a baby. My friend was doing great she was happy and smiling. Baby was full term and no complications. At this point after I had mine, I was a wreck in need of emotional support. But she just talked and talked about her experience, and it was hard on me. I had a horrible experience and lacked support. And this was the first time people were meeting my baby. And no one cared. But I feel so guilty now for being so selfish! Anyone who has a baby is blessed and I need to be happy for her. It's hard to let it go and accept things that happened in the past. I need to be excited for others. It's just hard when they get what they want and I didn't. I know I'm a horrible person, so save those mean comments. Maybe this is a venting session, but are there any other mamas that feel jipped from their delivery and all that excitement with a newborn because we were all in lockdown?