Who is right here?

Question

My mom and dad are arguing, I’m 21 and still live at home but I have to keep hearing about this situation so I wanted to hear some opinions. 
My dad’s love language is gift giving, he takes pride in picking out great gifts for people. My mom’s love language is not gift giving and she is always talking about how she doesn’t care about things. 
Well over this summer my mom has got to do a lot of things - she went to the ocean with her friend, camping, and last year she even got to go to Hawaii to stay with her friend. My dad hasn’t gotten to do anything fun and he always encourages her to do these things even though they cost money. He says he wants her to have fun. My dad works his butt off at a job he hates to support us. My mom has a babysitting job 3 days a week for about 15 hours a week, but if it weren’t for my dads income she would have to get a full time job. 
While my mom was away camping, my dad and his friend went to an Amish auction. My mom knew this and didn’t have a problem with him going. The only thing my dad bought was a hand carved bench that he bought for my mom, for $130. When he came home he was so excited to show my mom and he picked the perfect spot for it on the front porch where it matched perfectly. He was so excited for her reaction and wanted to keep it a secret until she got home. 
Well when my mom got home she wrinkled up her nose and said “I don’t like that, I wouldn’t have paid that much.” My dad confided in me that this hurt his feelings.
Later on that night, my mom is acting really off. I see on Facebook this morning that she posted “does anyone else feel like busting out crying.” I get a call from my dad and he said they got in a huge fight, after she sent a text to my dad, saying she “doesn’t give a fuck” about the bench and she grinds her teeth at night over stress about money and it’s caused her to have to get a tooth replaced. 
I didn’t say anything to her about her reaction to the bench because I didn’t feel it was my place to get involved. I just wanted some opinions...

Accepted Answer

Your mom sounds ungrateful as shit

Answer

Sorry. I hit your mom on accident! Your dad is 100% right, your mom is not!!! If she's stressed about money she needs to go get a better paying job.  Your poor dad.

Answer

If shes so stressed about money maybe she should put her ass to work.

Answer

I don't think it's fair to say their either one of them is 100% right. It sounds like your parents should really talk about their marriage and where it is going. If your mom is stressed about money she shouldn't be going on as many trips, or could be working to better the financial situation. If your dad knows that money is tight he shouldn't be spending money on gifts (especially since your mom doesn't seem to care for them). Ultimately they should be talking to each other about what is going on rather than you being brought into it.

Answer

😭 My heart goes out to your Dad. Your mom is very ungrateful and did not need to react that way. 
If she's worried about money, then she needs to do more than babysit for 15 hours a week. 🤷‍♀️

Answer

Your mom sound like a ungrateful bitch.

Answer

Well it’s hard to answer that. Both are in the wrong at points. Some ppl are money conscious, others aren’t. So if you are conscious of money, esp if you’re having money problems, seeing these unnecessary purchases would be so stressful. And I’m sure she’s talked to him about it but he just feels the need to buy things to express love, so it’s just a pattern that keeps happening.
I feel bad for your dad bc it’s like he isn’t understanding it’s become a problem and he’s just trying to show love. But he needs to learn another way to express love it sounds like. It’s dif when you can afford the purchases. I actually am very good friends with this couple and it’s the same sort of situation, husband shows love through gifts so is always buying presents for his wife that they can’t afford. They have money problems too. Not agreeing on purchase causes most of their fights. 
Your moms reaction I’m sure was bc she was frustrated and she’s already told him she doesn’t want to spend money on things and he keeps doing it and is using buying it for her as an excuse to get it she’s prob thinking. And it prob feels like a never ending cycle. But if your mom is allowed to spend money on what she wants, then your dad should be allowed to too. So I get where he might think it’s ok to since it should be equal. 
But money problems must not be too much of a concern if your mom is always going on vacations and doing things I guess. But maybe it’s dif to her bc she is paying for an experience, not an item. I don’t know that’s a tough one 
Also I know she didn’t upfront say it on fb but I don’t think she needed to bring her sadness to social media. I always assume ppl are fighting with their family or something when I see that sort of post. But that’s just me 
I know I keep going back and forth but that’s how my thoughts were when thinking about this lol. So both are wrong in ways!

Answer

It seems like your dad is trying to show her love by buying things for her (sending her on costly trips, the bench) and although it’s not her love language she isn’t being grateful. 
The whole purpose of love languages is to learn what way your partner feels loved but ALSO to learn in what way your partner may be trying to express their love for you. 
Gifts are not my love language but I know that when my husband comes home with a surprise gift for me, he was thinking of me while at the store and that he loves me. There have been times where a package comes in the mail and my husband will excitedly open it up and show me something random he ordered for me. Again, gifts are not my love language, but I do feel so so loved when my husband thinks of me while he’s at work and orders something for me online or when he’s at the store and thinks of me and brings me something. 
I definitely feel like your dad may be feeling unappreciated and that sucks. Seems like you have a good relationship with him and that’s awesome. I hope things work out!

Answer

Your moms love language sounds like quality time (hence the vacations) and I think they are focused on what they like, that they are losing sight of what the other person likes....it’s about filling the other persons love tank...

Answer

I meant your dad too... wow your mom needs a wake up call.

Who is right here?

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