Long story short.

When I was 17, I was forced into an abortion. I cried every day for SEVEN years over it! I hated myself and was so broken. I healed when I had my son who is now 5 (only my child). I am newly married. My husband knows about the abortion and one time 2 years ago threw it in my face that I am a murderer. He promised to never do it again.

Tonight I attempted to express that he needs better communication skills and that he needs to show me some consideration. He totally spun this into me being controlling and crazy. He kept on not listening to me and just gaslighting me. So I got upset and said something I regret "Your lack of communication may have allowed your addiction to go on so long in the past, but thats not happening here as I actually care about you. You need to learn to communicate with me"

He straight up says "Why don't we tell the boys about all your abortions! You've killed babies. You're a baby murderer!" His 10 year old and my son were in the back seat

I had one abortion. And miscarried his baby 2 months ago. I am seriously considering a divorce. This has me sick to my stomach. Am I over reacting? This is just too toxic. He used my most vulnerable moment and happily "exposed" me. I had to explain to my son I am not a murderer. My husband's child was there when his father OD'd and knows he was an addict. I have had many conversations reassuring him that his father is now sober. I know I'm a bad person. Please understand I am a victim of DV and his crazy making and throwing his hands in my face triggered me.

Edit: at this moment my husband is 4 months sober. He is an opioid/heroin addict as well as alcoholic. His family are alcoholics and enablers. His exwife never asked questions, never tried to support him and by her own admission encouraged him to sel drugs to support their life style.

This whole encounter happened because without checking with me, my husband decided to bring his son's dog over to our 1 bedroom apartment where we already have a dog I have been struggling with lately. And the dogs fight one another and my husband would be at work so I would have both children and 2 dogs. I simply told him "it would have been nice if you checked with me about bringing the dog since you will be at work and know I have been struggling with our dog". I wasnt looking to fight, I simply wanted consideration because this is an on going thing. He went in calling me controlling and crazy, screaming and throwing his hands in my face. He brought up a conversation we had earlier where he disappeared after work not saying anything to me, saying I was a bitch over a cheeseburger. My husband takes my car, as he doesn't have one, and it has been a concern of him relapsing lately. TO BE HONEST HE HAS LOOKED HIGH LATELY. So no I wasn't trying to have a petty argument. I stated he should ask me first and then he was dragging me through the mud and bringing up an earlier conversation.