.. I found out I was pregnant mid August of 2019. I was sick so bad that I couldn't even move or eat and when I did move, I would have really pains in my lower stomach or throw up, I couldn't even drink water without throwing up. My husband tried to always be there for me throughout the random pains and constantly being sick, but one day when I was about 11weeks along, he asked "how do you feel about getting an abortion", my whole world sank, my heart stopped and i thought wtf does he mean abortion. He then proceeded how it was the best option because im always sick and it doesn't seem normal and that my son from my ex is so bad (hes 5, I don't think hes bad, he just has a hard time remembering things) that he don't think he can handle it all. I finally replied back "im not against anyone who has an abortion but it would be nice to not be sick or in pain" and I mentioned that my son isn't bad, he just needs to see a doctor about having ADD. I don't remember everything because its such a blur as I tried blocking out everything as I was hurting inside, i remember us ACTUALLY going to the clinic, and going back the next day to longer having a baby in my tummy. When I got home, I felt nothing, I felt like I was dead. Everyday since, I think to myself of how I shouldnt have done that, I regret it so bad. What makes things worse is that I am now 8 month pregnant because I fell pregnant again sometime in Dec 2019 because my husband i guess thought I wasn't going to get pregnant and I made it clear I was not gonna get another yeah.... I think its so hard for me to actually connect with this baby in me rn because I still wonder how my other baby would've been and he/she would've been here by now. Ive talked to my husband once just 2 months ago about i felt about doing that to our other baby and said it broke me and he replied "really? I thought you didn't even care because you showed no emotion" and I replied "thats what u think because you were on your game literally 24/7" even though I was constantly getting drunk out my mind till I fell pregnant again(he doesn't game that much anymore). Lately ive taking it really hard again and i dont know how to bring it up to my husband because I don't like talking about it. Im so scared of getting pregnant again becuz this is the last time I will ever get pregnant, I always bring up my husband getting a vasectomy but he basically says that's out of the question, he doesnt like wearing condoms until he's about to cum and i always say thats not good enough because there's still i chance I could get pregnant again. I want to get the iud after my baby girl comes this Sept but I also wasn't my husband to get a vasectomy because like I said, im so scared of becoming pregnant again and him suggesting I terminate it as hes mentioned multiple times that he just wants one kid.

Just venting because im feeling sad/heartbroken