After giving birth to my baby, I immediately started to have horrific thoughts that would randomly rush through my mind whenever I was doing literally anything at all. The following are examples:

1. I'd be walking down the stairs and she's in my arms and I would suddenly imagine myself throwing her down and she breaks her neck, eyes open staring at me.

2. I'd be chopping vegetables in the kitchen for dinner and I would imagine the vegetables replaced by my baby's hand or fingers, blood everywhere.

3. I'd be putting food inside the oven or microwave to heat up and suddenly the thought comes rushing by that I'm actually putting my baby to get cooked in there instead, screaming from the burns.

4. I'd be running a load in the washer/dryer but thinking of putting my daughter in there and her suffocating and tumbling in circles screaming for help.

Anyway.... I have these thoughts while AWAKE obviously. But even when I lie in bed at night, I can't sleep because I'm revisiting all of those thoughts again or worse.

I tried researching online to see if this is common and apparently what I learned is that these types of negative thoughts come about when you suffer from anxiety which is why it's common during postpartum. But then I remembered that I've always had weird thoughts like this but not as often when I was growing up as a kid and way into my adulthood before baring children. Does that mean I always had anxiety issues?