I am incredibly mortified, sad, and disappointed with what went on this week. I don’t have any fight left in me. I just want to be happy and move along through life. 😭😭😭

This weeks my son’s dad just reached the point of no return. I am completely disgusted and DONE with this sorry excuse for a man.

We’ve been dealing with each other for 2 1/2 years. We JUST had our first baby in April. And things are a complete mess.

He always had an attitude problem. When things didn’t go his way, he instantly blew up and then the gaslighting began. He’d blame others for how he was acting or try to justify how he was acting. Nothing ever changed. He HATED to admit when he was wrong and hardly ever apologized sincerely (or at all). It was a toxic ass cycle. He’d do some bullshit and then come crawling back talking about his feelings were hurt or he didn’t like this and that’s why he acted this way. Or he’d just try to act like nothing f*cking happened and everything was all good—he eventually stopped doing this because I ALWAYS spazzed. Like wtf??? You can’t even give me an apology???

Anywho, I saw his sad attempts at trying to get himself together, and ate it up time and time again. I wanted to try to build/keep this family together for the sake of our son. Because he always used that against me, “you want our son to grow up without a dad” or something along those lines. And for my son, I’d do anything. Even if that meant tolerating his ugly ass dad...but this week was the last straw.

This man, in his rage, has broken tv’s, phones, cars, etc etc. literally shattered my new 55 in tv. He has screamed, shouted at me, advanced on me, threatened me and my family, but he had nefarious intentions for me this week. I finally went back to work after being on maternity leave this week and he’s pissed. He’s threatening to get me fired (idk how), threatening to slash my tires and break my car windows, threatening to shoot up my aunts house where me and his son are. Etc etc just craziness.

Well he doesn’t know where I’m staying exactly because I knew he was on some weird shit and refused to tell him where I stayed. Well he stalked me to my aunts house a month ago, he literally followed me, the creep. So now he stalks her house ALL THE TIME, just thinking he can pop up over there whenever he wants and do anything over there. And threatening my aunt and cousins and brothers....just a hot mess.

So again, I start work and he’s doing all this. Well I guess he just have thought I lived with my aunt because he sat outside her house at 6-7am waiting for me to come out of the house to go to work and I’m certain he would have done something to harm me. I am CERTAIN! Since he couldn’t get to me because I wasn’t there obviously, so he broke her windows on her car.

I have never been more disgusted in my entire life. I’m mortified and disgusted that not only did I love, and play a complete dummy for this man, but I have a whole CHILD with him and he’s acting like a maniac. It’s not okay that he tocuhed my aunt shit and broke her window out. I’m PISSED!!! But also, idk what to do. I just dont have the energy. I just want this to end. I just want to be happy and live with my son...but now my aunt doesn’t want me over there anymore until things calm down. But they are the only family I have so I’m just so sad. This has been my support system since I had my baby, and now I’m being ripped away from it because my son’s dad is a psycho.

I got a restraining order against him yesterday, but mentally idk what to do. I feel like he succeeded in doing what he ultimately wanted—separating me away from people who love me who can combat the negative shit he spews at me. Honestly, I’ve been wondering if it would just be easier to not live on this earth anymore...and that terrifies me. Idk what to do. Idk. Idk. Idk.