I am struggling to feels Gods love. I got pregnant so easy with my son. Now it’s been a year and I have 2 losses so far. I am so heartbroken. We have prayed and fasted and every month I feel so hopeful that I’ll be pregnant and every month, I get a negative test and a period. I feel like my prayers are being ignored and I am not being heard. So many of my friends have gotten pregnant and are about to give birth or have given birth. But today my sil announced that she was pregnant to us. She struggled for some time and I am happy for her but so sad for myself. And I feel angry as well. She was so jealous about her own struggles that she didn’t speak to me my entire pregnancy or have anything to do with my son until his 1st bday party. Then I got pregnant shortly after that and she stopped speaking to me again until I miscarried. But the kicker is, I got pregnant and had another miscarriage in May. Her due date is one week after what should’ve been mine if I wouldn’t have miscarried in May. It hurts so bad. Its just a reminder of where I should’ve been at. My heart is just aching. I want a baby so bad and everything just feels like a sick joke. Like God is saying, “because you weren’t empathetic to your sister in laws struggle, you’re gonna struggle now”. Or that God is saying “You let your son watch too much tv or you’re not the best mom so you don’t need another baby” I feel so inadequate as a mom. All I want is another baby and I just think God thinks I suck as a mom won’t bless me with another kid and I should just give up. I just started therapy but didn’t like the counselor so I hope I find a good one soon.