Better days ahead... I hope

Beverley

***Trigger warning***

Miscarriage mentioned

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I see so many of you who have also suffered a miscarriage, some many!

I feel you, I support you, I love seeing your success stories!

I wanted to share my story... so far...

My partner and I have been together for 6.3 years now, for about 8-9 months i was on the patch contraceptive... because I was worried! Urghh how stupid was I huh!

Well I came off it because I couldnt keep them up and I'm allergic to latex so we just decided to play baby roulette since...

It wasnt serious early on but as years passed I became more and more broody and I wanted a family of our own, he only became more broody perhaps over the last 2 years so we were BD whenever and legs up over head but not tracking anything else.

We stopped thinking about it and all of a sudden I had a feeling... i nearly fainted at the gym and then again at home.

I bought a 2 pack of FRER and took one, it was negative.

4 days later my boobs were sensitive and on fire and just had that feeling... like I knew something was different!

I took the other test and there it was, the blue line, I wasnt expecring it. Wow what a feeling!

He didnt believe me, I mean I did take it at 1.30 in the morning and I just needed to know if it was definitely real so there we were driving to garages in the middle of the night trying to find a pregnancy test... unsuccessful, I called my sister at 3.30am to my luck she was awake and had spare tests... I took 3 more! BFP!!!

The following day we bought the clear blue..

The following 2 months passed with bliss and him and I grew even closer and felt like a real family, we planned our near future and a move to be closer to family to help with baba, when I was to return to work.

So when it happened, it was surreal, a drawn out terrible nightmare. I dont know why it didnt even cross my mind that something bad could happen, I was too excited and happy thinking about what was to come.

How stupidly blind i was!

I had a numb prickly pain in my uterus 3 days prior, I thought it was normal it didnt last long and put it down to growing pains. It was friday evening I got all snuggled in bed and I had the same feeling... again I thought nothing of it! It was when I woke up at 1.30am needing a wee, I thought as the urination was getting more frequent... it's probably going through the night awls well

Well that until I sat down and I felt something leave me and a "plonk" in the toilet

I shot up, and there was a big clot around 7cm long (about the length of my baby at 11+6 weeks) the world went silent

I screamed for my partner, he came rushing in and then I noticed the bathroom floor was covered on blood and more clots.

Long story short, it felt like the coldest April night there ever was as we rushed to A&E... obviously during lockdown restrictions I had to go in alone... I stood waiting whilst more blood poured down my trousers... more clots filling my panties, why didnt I think to put a pad on?

After hours of waiting, they confirmed it was a miscarriage and was told to expect some light bleeding over the coming 2 weeks and sent me on my way.

It wasnt until monday, I took the day off work to emotionally recover, when all of a sudden pain filled my body, I couldnt pain point its location in my body... it was excruciating. I have a high pain threshold but I couldnt do it, I couldnt stand, sit nothing... I was uncontrollably crying hoping itll go away... o dodnt want anymore attention to all that was happening so I put off reaching out for help for around 1-2 hours.. I was home alone and it got to a point where i thought I was dying from the inside.. I called an ambulance and let my partner know... he arrived before hand and rushed me to the hospital

Long story short I spent tje night, had around 6 people look in my vagina, go in with forceps... so much morphine and parecetomol drip later... it was confirmed that the miscarriage was incomplete and each time "a piece" sat at the end of my cervix it caused contraction type pain but needed help moving so it was never ending with no breaks between the pain.

In place of a D&C, they gave me 3 pills to swallow which would cause the same pain and clear me out.

It was the worst most traumatic experience of my life, I felt so empty, so alone, very lost... I had no clothes after I was rushed from one hospital to the next and my partner was given my clothes... i walked out head to toe in hospital wear...

I didnt know where to ho from there, I didnt think I could piece myself together again.

But I am so thankful to my partner for all the love and support and encouragement he gave throughout everything, even though he was suffering from the loss too.

Here we are 3 months later, I've learned alot from the groups I've joined... how to track my BBT, Ovulation and symptoms and much more.

I hope to be pregnant again soon, I already feel like a mommy - I'm just missing my baby

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, baby dust to you πŸ‘ΆπŸŒŸ

🀞🀞🀞 may we all be lucky enough to bring a sweet little child into the world πŸ’–