Break Up Help

This is the first break up and heart break I’ve ever had. I’m 18 and I was with him almost 3 years. Our anniversary is in one week. I can barely eat, crying constantly and I keep having dreams when I sleep of us getting back together. He pushed me away because of him feeling “depressed.” He’s had it off and on our whole relationship but recently he says it’s been worse and he gets very mean and irritated when it comes. He said he can’t bring me down with him and that’s why he can’t be in a relationship. I was the one who broke up w him because for days he barely spoke to me and when I asked him if he even wanted me he said he didn’t know what he wanted. He told me he loved me and didn’t want to break up but his actions show otherwise. He hasn’t spoken to me in almost 6 days which is the longest we’ve ever gone ever. We left things so confusing and I feel a mess. He made me feel like he didn’t wanna end it but yet here I am alone. Also a few days before this all happened he said he wanted space to figure out his head. I keep feeling sick thinking he just doesn’t want me.... I have to fight the urge to call him all day... I want him to come to me....