Just found out the guy I've been talking to, seeing, and having sex with has a girlfriend. That he's a had girlfriend the whole time. We've hanging out and everything for 6ish months and he's had this girlfriend for 9. He lied and said I was the only one, broke down my walls, and made me comfortable to be vulnerable with him. I was upfront with him about going through a divorce from an abusive and toxic situation. He said he understood and was there for me and promised to never hurt me.

I've done girlfriend shit this whole time. Brought him food when he was stressed with work, did laundry when he didn't have time, was there to relieve stress when he needed it, and supported him through everything. He was always so reassuring and seemed so genuine through everything.

I feel so dumb. Embarrassed. But I still want him. The worst part is that I don't want to lose him. I told him that he had to tell her, or I would. And he did and now she's figuring out what she wants to do. I stkll want him in my life. We hadnsuch a strong connection and I don't want to lose that.

I'm hurt. And confused. And I haven't ate or slept in days. He's the only one I want to talk about everything, but I know it's eating him up too.

*Someone asked for an update...

He told her earlier this week because I told him if he didn't I would, but she deserved to hear it from him first. She and I and talked so she could get my side. She decided to stay with him and try and make it work.

She told him we could still talk, but we can't see each other anymore. At this point we have continued to talk every single day and nothing has really changed there. We saw each other at least once a week before, so obviously that will be a change. I'm still in the mindset that I don't want to lose him, even as a friend rn. Hoping that will change at some point and I'll be able to cut off all contact, but it's been a roller coaster of emotions the last week.

*2nd update

We've continued to talk all the time. He came over last night too. He told me he's only with her because of history and if he would've met us at the same time I would be his choice. He said our sex is the best and he thinks about it/us all the time.

I know I'm dumb and now I'm a willing participant in this shit, but I can't stop. He's my kryptonite.