Today was so stressful y’all and I don’t really even understand why it stressed me out. I take care of my terminally ill grandma everyday who’s just been prescribed morphine starting today. She’s on hospice so they brought it today.

Okay so there’s a white pill, lighter dose that she can take every 4 hours, (I’m going off what my mom said) and then there’s a stronger dose that’s a green pill that she can only take every 8 hours but she can do both.

It’s just that ones every 4 hours and the other is every 8 and they’re both morphine. hope that makes sense.

This is the conversation I was having with her.

“I need my morphine”

“Okay, here’s your white morphine. You can have the white one but you can’t have the green morphine until about 9pm at bedtime because it’s not been 8 hours yet.”

“Yeah but I HAVE to take it at bedtime.

I didn’t take my daily medication today.”

I said “I know, and yes you did take your morning meds today. I gave them to you and watched you swallow them.”

“But I can’t take this until I have all of my meds.” And I said “Mema what are you talking about? I don’t understand. Yes you can take the white morphine pill. And then later on at 9pm you can have the green morphine as well, you can take both it’s how it was prescribed.”

And then she proceeded to refuse the morphine, ask for it again and then repeat herself “I HAVE to take the green one tonight. That’s what the doctor said.”

Like I couldn’t make sense of what was going on in her mind. I had to call my mom and have my mom repeat everything I said, and then finally she was like “oh yeah! I CAN take them both!” And swallowed it and then repeated “yep! But I HAVE to take the green one at 9pm.”

I was so confused. I’m still so confused.

When I took her to bed, she absolutely insisted that she bring a bowl and two baby spoons to bed with her. I don’t know what’s going on. Like this is genuine I’m not laughing, I’m fucking serious.

She has never acted like this and it’s only started since the morphine was introduced.

Some things I want to add; she has end stage pancreatic cancer.

I wasn’t insinuating that she not take the morphine, she’s dying and can take any drug she wants but it just really disturbed me seeing her tap out mentally. I talk to her all day long from sun rise to sun down and this broke my heart.