I am afraid to test

I am in my late 40’s and this is my last try. I am 20 dpo, af is 6 days late. I am so afraid to test and find out that I am negative! The thought of even buying the test makes me sweat! I am going through the “what if’s “ like what if it’s menopause? What if I waited to long and what if I am and it dies like my twins! I am a total wreak!!! 😩

It was negative after being 15 days late, I started AF 😭