Am I alone?

I'm 43, had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy in Dec 2018 and been trying ever since for another pregnancy. It would be our first child. My cycle never got back to any kind of predictable rhythm so opk are the only way I know I'm ovulating. They seem to be accurate but it's devistating every time I'm late for my period and I think oh my gosh this could be it, this could be the time I finally get a BFP and then I'll get my period and be totally crushed. Trying not to stress and remain positive but right now in this moment when I've spent the past two days thinking this was it until I got my period this morning..in this moment I'm so sad. I feel like somehow this is my failure. I know that God has a plan and a purpose but with every passing month I go through this roller coaster of hopeful anticipation to devistating disappointment I begin to wonder if it's just not in the cards for me. Has anyone else felt this way on your journey?