When I thought getting pregnant was easy.

When I thought making a baby would be a fun, happy, exciting experience.

When I thought I would get pregnant the first month we tried.

When that didn’t happen and everyone said “it can take up to a year” but I was SURE it wouldn’t take us that long. No way.

When my sore boobs and every twinge, pinch, pull, or cramp meant I was pregnant.

When every positive OPK confirmed we timed everything perfectly and we KNEW we had nailed it that month.

When I thought the 12 week mark was safe.

When I thought I would get pregnant again right away because “you’re more fertile after a loss.”

When I thought the vitamins, supplements, teas, Preseed, feet up in the air were sure to work.

When my period was late and my tests were negative but still so hopeful because “you’re not out until AF shows!”

When I would see a rainbow or a double yolk or a pepper within a pepper and my heart would skip a beat because it was FOR SURE a sign that it was my month.

When I thought “this will be the last box of tampons I buy for 9+ months!” as I smirked at the checkout counter knowing 100% that I was getting pregnant that month.

When I thought there was no way I would have another miscarriage because my doctor told me “the chances of it happening again were very small.”

When I thought my lap surgery to remove the minimal endo I had was going to be my golden ticket to motherhood.

When we “stopped trying” and spent months “having fun” and I knew that was going to fix everything because “when you stop trying is when it happens.”

When I would count out what my due date would be and how and when we would announce. “Some bunny’s eggspecting!” “Red, White, and Due!” “There’s a new pumpkin in our patch!” “Santa’s not the only one coming to town!”

When I thought my HSG was going to “flush me out” and I was definitely getting pregnant that month.

When I had two big, healthy follicles at every scan every month and was convinced we were going to have twins.

When I was sure <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> was going to work for me and I left my appointment telling my husband “BOOM! PREGNANT!” and we spent the whole day in total bliss because we really believed it.

When I took every fertility drug, injection, and suppository while I spoke my baby’s life into existence I was certain - THIS month, THIS protocol was going to be it.

1,000 days of this endless cycle and I still haven’t learned my lesson. If I could bottle and sell my ignorance I’d be a billionaire. Each month I am somehow still stupid enough to believe something will be different.

But I’m tired and the end of the road is coming. We only have two cycles left to give this a shot then it’s over. Part of me knows that I will probably ride this wave of blissful ignorance followed by the devastating blow of another failed cycle for many years to come, but the other part of me is saying who knows - maybe this will be my month? ♥️