Backstory: So I grew up with a very abusive father and have PTSD from that. My husband is really such a soft and gentle guy 99.9% of the time. He started a new job 6 months ago and went from previously working about 20hrs/week to now working about 70hrs/wk. Needless to say he’s exhausted, frustrated that he’s not being paid fairly and upset about working a job that requires starting at 3am and finishing at 6pm a lot of the time. I’m pregnant - due in a couple of weeks - so he really feels the pressure to provide. He’s looked for other work and applied but it’s just so competitive with the virus at the moment.

Anyway, we’ve been married for about 18 months. Early in our marriage (before he had this job) he got really mad one day and threw the cat across our bedroom. He loves this cat stupidly much btw he calls the cat our son and gives him so much love every day. That was the first time I was even scared of him.

The second time I was ever scared of him was just after he started this new job, we were arguing in the kitchen. He was waving his arks in the air, yelling, and stepping closer to me. I got so afraid that I curled up in a ball on the floor to protect myself like I used to do with my dad. When he realised I was scared he immediately apologised and hugged me.

Tonight is the third time I’ve ever been scared. We had an argument, and the cat ran out of the bedroom where he (the cat) needs to stay at night. He chased the cat around the house so angrily with the scariest look on his face, and finally chased him back into our bedroom, slammed the door, and wouldn’t look at me or talk to me. I think he may have even kicked the cat into the room but it’s dark and I couldn’t be sure.

Anyway I just wanted to ask, since this happens so rarely, am I justified to feel scared of him? He really usually is so so gentle and lovely. I don’t know if these things are actual red flags or if it’s just the PTSD making me scared when I don’t need to be. Advice and your stories are really appreciated x