I don’t know how to handle my emotions right now

If you’ve seen my posts, you know I’ve been taking care of my grandmother for months because she’s dying of cancer.

Today we were told “within the week”

I’ve been doing well with this I really have. I did not however want to know when It would happen.

We knew that already, we have already seen what dying looks like. But now that it was said out loud I feel like a brick. I am just crashed into my couch unable to move. She’s still alive and I can’t go talk to her because she’s not there anymore. She’s just this shell of herself and you can tell she just wants to die already.

I’m not crying, this isn’t like the stinging kind of emotional pain. It’s like I am weighed down by a million pounds, it’s sobering. even physically I just feel heavy and can’t move. It’s so weird I don’t know how to explain. I don’t know how I can keep going honestly I want to lay down and never move again right now.