Need to get this off my chest...
Hi Everyone... I guess I'm mostly writing this for myself, as sort of a diary entry I guess. If it resonates with anyone, or you feel like commenting, I'd love to hear from you.
I'm 30 & my husband (married on 4/25) is 35. We've been TTC for about S year and a half... But not very strictly... We just haven't been using any type of BC or protection. We figured, if we conceive, great! - if not, no biggie.
Well, since Aug. 2014 I have only had 4 periods, and was diagnosed with PCOS last month. I've been taking 1500 mg of Metformin for about 2 months now. Last month I took a 10-day regimen of Progesterone to initiate my period. Got it.
Ideally, that should mean I should have my period again the 2nd weeks of Dec., if all goes as planned.
That means the past 4 days - and next 2 days - are my fertile days, with today being my most fertile (34%)
Here's where my stress and anxiety go through the roof.
1.) we just bought our 1st home in Sept. & can barely afford our bills
2.) I don't have a job. I'm currently a graduate student with only a month-and-half left before I have my Masters.
3.) I know how badly my husband wants to have a baby - this minute if we could. My father-in-law is the same way.
4.) my parents don't want me even thinking about having kids until I have a good job.
5.) my younger (and only) sister - and her husband - both have incredible jobs - and want to start trying for a baby now. Maybe they're already pregnant. It's possible. But I really want to have the first grandchild. Stupid. I know.
6.) I really want kids too - 4 actually - and I'm 30... I know it'll be hard, especially considering the challenges I'm up against with PCOS.
My PCOS has been extremely frustrating - leaving me with almost no sex drive - which has been really hard on my husband, and our relationship.
I knew today was our best shot at TTC - but I just can't bring myself to try. I was shaking I was so worked up - anxious. I know once have a good job I will be all about TTC. I just can't imagine trying to job search for a career position, while being pregnant... Adding that kind of stress onto the pregnancy.
BUT -- I have no idea if I'll even conceive! That's the frustrating part! It's all just making me crazy!
I just wish I could snap my fingers, have a great job, and be able to actively TTC.
For now, we've agreed to go back to using protection until I can get that good job. So that eliminates some stress.
But now I have to battle the low/no sex drive - unless my hormones balance out and my stress diminishes enough to let me relax and enjoy life!
I never would have thought I'd have so many "issues" at 30 years old! I know my "issues" are so insignificant to soooooo many other issues in the world, but nonetheless, they're mine - and they wear on me.
I feel better getting this off my chest. If you've read this... Wow! Thank you! If you can relate, or feel bogged down, I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers. I hope you feel better! All my best to you all!
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