I got an abortion in November.

It was the best decision I could make, honestly. I don’t regret it because I know it could’ve never worked out.

However, I know I have been different since. Recovery took about a couple of weeks, but I remember how I felt. I cried in the clinic. I was alone. I drove myself home where I was given a sheet of paper with instructions.

I remember the pain of the cramps after taking the four pills. I had the runs and I threw up. I was in a lot of pain for a couple of minutes. I passed out on the bathroom floor. After that, I felt better. No pain. I cleaned up my vomit off the floor and went back to lie down on the couch. I was scared, so, I called the nurse line. All I wanted was someone to talk to. I didn’t experience much pain after that, honestly.

The couple of weeks after, I was so fragile. I couldn’t walk that fast, but overall, I was getting better.

I had a dream I was pregnant again. Seemed as if I wanted to keep it, but I found myself in the same situation again. I had $200 and I asked my husband for another $250 for the pill. I found myself looking for some drugs to help with the pain (percs.) I remember the waiting room we had. They had juice and goldfish snacks. I grabbed some. I, instantly, woke up though.

I know I’ve been different. I’ve been afraid of pregnancy. I’m taking birth control despite not being active. I haven’t been as sexually active as I used to be and I’m slowly getting back. I am stronger now and I’ve always found it easy to talk about.

If you’re in this situation, please, don’t do it alone. I am here to talk. I’ve been there and I don’t regret it. I, just, didn’t have anyone with me. I always insist on doing things alone.