Make sure you read the whole thing before giving your opinion cause I actually need help. Thanks 😊

Two days ago my daughters biological father Facebook messaged me about wanting to see her. He talked about how he got a nice car, nice house, and stable job. I asked why after 4 YEARS of abandoning my daughter he wants to be in her life, and all he did was reiterate that he has a house, car, and stable job (things he had when he abandoned her and never lost). He didn’t mention missing her or feeling horrible for how long he walked out on her. He made it out like he just left for a couple months to “better himself”(words he actually tried to use). This man never called about her, never messaged me asking about her, never sent a birthday card or present to her while he knew exactly where we lived the whole time. He legit stopped messaging me 4 years ago when I was asking if he wanted to see her for a few hours, as I took away the privilege to get her over the weekend when he started letting known drug users live with him (no not females in case anyone thinks I’m that girl) and never contacted me since.

I got married after we broke up and from the moment he found out he was impossible to deal with. Arguing with my husband, making up lies about me, etc., and I still made sure he got to see her. The period of time he was coparenting after our break up was 6 months and it got really bad as soon as he found out I got married.

This was all when she was 1 and 1/2 and she is now 5. She doesn’t know him at all, not even picture-wise, and her step dad legit stepped up and is who she chose (ON HER OWN, I swear) to call daddy since she was little. He is 100% her dad in every way possible and she LOVES him, as he loves her.

So my question is, should I let him back in her life? Keep in mind she is only about to turn 5 in October, she isn’t missing out on a father figure, this man abandoned her for almost 4 years now, and I’m worried about how this will effect her mentally. I REALLY want to do the right thing FOR HER... I was with him for 3 years and I just don’t trust that he won’t bail on her again and I don’t believe he is even doing this for the right reasons. The other thing is, I wouldn’t allow him to call himself her dad because my husband is 100% her dad and telling her otherwise would be so confusing. She’s very mature for her age, but she just started preschool and lost me as a stay at home mom after 2 years of it (new job) AND we’ve been staying with my mom while she goes to my husbands on Sundays... she’s had so many changes in just this month alone.. what should I do........

Sorry this is so long... I just need you to have the majority of the info so you can help me with my decision logically.

Thanks to anyone who made it this far... I’m really conflicted and am open to “yes you should (with reasoning)” or “no don’t do it (with reasoning)”. Ugh... I just need something cause I can’t figure out what’s best for anyone right now or long term. Every scenario is playing in my head for either decision...