I never thought I'd post on here, but I don't know what to do in this situation. For most people, it'd be common sense, but I'm a very forgiving person. I don't like holding resentments or conflict with people.

Anyway, so, about a year ago, I was struggling a lot with drinking. So, I asked my friend, who I hung out with a lot at the time if she could make sure I don't drink and if I did, that I didn't do too much.

Granted, it's not her responsibility, but as my friend, I thought she would support me.

The first time I asked for a drink, she gave it to me. I filled a bottle with some blueberry vodka and started to drink while we made our way to the park.

She had been trying to set me up with this dude for a while, even though she was fully aware of my boyfriend at the time. Being drunk, I started talking bad about my boyfriend. She started asking me sexually suggestive questions. My boyfriend was constantly cheating on me at the time, so I said whatever. She asked me if I'd be willing to do anything with this guy. I answered honestly and said that even though my boyfriend had been doing it to me, it wasn't in my heart to be disloyal. She then asked if I'd be open to going on a date and seeing where that lead. Just to get her to stop, I agreed and she was excited. We then went to a store because once I start drinking, it's hard to stop. I asked her to buy me a Seagramms because I wasn't old enough at the time. No questions asked, she did it. She then asked me about a site I showed her once for people to find out their sexual types. She told me to take the test just for fun and send her the results. So, I did.

We went back to her house and there were about 6 other people there now. I was drinking, but decided to start taking it slow, but when I put my drink down, my friend encouraged me to drink more. Succumbing to the pressure, I did. At this point, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I got back to the room, I picked up the seagramms and took a big drink. I then realized the can was heavier and that someone had poured more blueberry vodka from earlier into the seagramms. I looked over and she was texting the guy she had been trying to set me up with. He was on his way over. So, I stopped drinking. When he got there, she had us sit next to each other on the couch but I was still intent on being faithful. Me, her, her bf, her friend, and this guy made our way into her room, where we started watching TV.

She started tickling me (I assumed) so I told her to stop. She said "it's not me" while laughing. It was the dude. She then turned to us and asked if we needed the room. I didnt respond before she, her bf, and her friend left the room. I started to notice that I was fading in and out. I could barely tell what was happening.

I was dressed and then I wasn't. I'm sure you could put together what happened here.

Afterwards, I was dressed again. My friend and her bf walked in the room. Her bf picked up a roll of condoms and said "you didn't use one?!" To the guy.

I was already upset with what happened and now, I had to worry about a possible STD or pregnancy.

I went to the bathroom and started crying. She asked if I "regret" the "sex". I said no because I didn't even remember a lot of it. I remembered wanting it to stop but not being able to make out the words.

And trying to push him off me, but to him, I dont think it even felt like that with how weak I felt.

I laid down in their living room because unfortunately she was my ride home and my other friend was busy to come get me so I was stuck. Her boyfriend walks past me and goes: "was the d*** that good?" I wanted to yell at him or tell him off but I was still too tired. And trying to get over what had just happened.

A couple days later I blocked them both on every form of social media with no explanation. The other day, I write her a message, telling her why I blocked her, why I resented her, set up boundaries when it comes to seeing me in public, and ultimately, I forgave her. Forgiving her didnt mean I wanted her back in my life and I made that clear to her.

About 3 days later, she texted me on my cell (I still have the same number). She asked if it was me and if it was to please check my messenger. There was nothing in my messenger because I had her blocked on there and didn't even think she'd still have my number. I think she just wanted me to respond. Like I said, I'm very forgiving. I really loved and trusted that girl with all my heart and it hurts not having her in my life. But I'm scared to put the same trust in her again.

Do you think that I should?

Or just leave it alone?

I at least want to talk to her and get some sort of closure but I don't want to end back up in the same situation? What do you think I should do.

Again, I'm aware most people wouldn't forgive or even hear her out, but please dont come at me. This is my last resort.

Thank you in advance.