I want to be the better version of myself again!!

First pic is me few years ago and the second is me now like 1-2 months ago. It saddens me to look at this, I feel like I could cry. I thought I was in a dark place then cuz I lost the job I loved because of myself, dropped out of college due to not knowing what I wanted to do and gaining weight slowly. Fast forward to now, Im doing okay but not with my weight. I use to be so into fitness and diet. I weight 172 and lost 30+ pounds and now I’m 250ish today and it just hurts. I’m trying to have the willpower I had bad in the day but I just can’t. I eat something feel bad but eat it. Yeah i prob do it to myself but it’s easier said than done. I wanna be a better me. As i weigh this much I notice I’m out of breath more and just not at the level I use to be. I need to love myself but I can’t. Also weighting this much makes me want more food than I did before so it’s so hard to eat less. I’m just so hopeless anymore😞