I was officially diagnosed with an eating disorder a month ago after passing out and being rushed to an emergency room on a family trip. (Also disclaimer I’m vegan too) Ever since then it’s almost like I’ve gotten worse; yes I will eat a snack if I’m feeling shaking and I try to limit my exercises that burn a lot of calories and make me sick, but all of the guilt and the fear and pain is still there. It’s almost like now that I’ve realized my problem and how I have one it’s harder to cope with it. Every day I feel depressed that I can’t be “normal” I can’t go a day with numbers constantly running in my head, or without the guilt from eating, or hating myself for missing a workout, or going out with friends and not eating things or counting it and going home and wanting to puke. The worst part is is that I can’t really open up about how I’m really suffering and how much I’m growing to dislike myself, and when I do I feel so much guilt to how it makes my parents feel. I know I need help and I’ve been trying but no one is getting back to me. If anyone has resources for me to use I would greatly appreciate it, I really want to find like a therapist and/or a support group. I live in the portland area in Oregon. I’m also scared that my young sister is starting to act the same as me, and I’m wondering if anyone has suggestions to how to not encourage others into my horrible habits.