Oh my god I’m pregnant (update)

I am 5 days late and I have a faint positive.

I’m not ready for this and I’m afraid....

I just had a talk with my boyfriend about keeping it if we get pregnant but my boyfriend is in the most stressful time of his life, he had something bad happen to him and then the pandemic so he’s technically homeless, living with family in conditions that are FAR from ideal....

I lost my mom about a year ago and I’m living in our family home which is very old and needs work and I just don’t think I can raise a healthy kid here or have a healthy pregnancy here bc there’s a room I can’t even go into without getting sick bc of mold.

Ladies I’m scared. And I’m overweight by a lot... I’m trying rly hard to loose weight. But I’m not healthy I’ve been very unhealthy for a while, taking my grief very hard indeed.

I know how to induce a period.

I’m just so scared, I can’t believe this!

I’m so scared oh my god I’m so scared I don’t know what to do.

I strongly felt that bc this is the love of my life I don’t want to end a pregnancy but now I’m sitting here thinking... holy crap. I’m broke as a damned joke I have NO IDEA what the fuck to do I’m in the middle of a pandemic I have no parents I’m living with family.... I am not okay.

I was going to go smoke a joint but took this test real quick and now I am just sitting here wide-eyed in disbelief. I must have had a super fertile egg bc I tested (I always test so that I’m certain of my cycle) and was supposed to be OUT of my fertile window.

Oh my God.

****

Thank you for all the replies. Even the rude one(s?), because people like you give me the opportunity to actively choose kindness or neutrality/peace rather than defensiveness. Some, I can’t see (I noticed there’s 12 or so, and I’ve seen 4 or 5). But nonetheless, I appreciate you.

I’m still in shock, still processing, and still trying to figure out how to cope as well as what to do. My options are abortion and having this baby... I wouldn’t have this child and choose adoption. Especially when my boyfriend and I will eventually be ready to start a family.... this isn’t someone who I’m not actively building a life with, or someone who doesn’t want to parent with me. This is my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, my best friend for more than half my life, my rock, my protector, and my supporter. I can’t imagine wanting this with anyone else... the circumstances are simply and extremely far from ideal. Though ironically they did change a bit, as I found out some bittersweet news that gives me significantly more security than I ever imagined having at this age.

I’m terrified... just terrified. But I’m also amazed.

I haven’t opened up to anyone in my life, just this app and one very lovely person who was kind enough to offer an ear and advice 😭

I’ve lost 4 lbs this week, and I’m looking into what amount of exercise will be safe for me. I need to loose 40-60 lbs total (that 20 lb disparity isn’t really that important to me, 40 is healthy 60 is ideal) and I believe I can do that even if I keep the baby. I always wanted to quit smoking pot before TTC but this was a surprise for me and I can’t do anything about it but simply not smoke anymore 🤷🏾‍♀️ I would be looking at at least 2 years of breastfeeding, so it’s kind of a moot point. I don’t have any other vices... but I do use weed to manage depression & ptsd so I’m going to need to find another way to address these ongoing challenges, if I do carry to term.

Thanks again, for everything. I may post again with a final decision. But I may also just delete this, but know that I’m grateful to each of you and wish you the absolute best.