...any tips or tricks on how to get over (for me traumatizing enough) bad relationships/sexual experiences-encounters? Especially being plus sized?

I've fooled around with a couple of guys before (searching for any form of acceptance I could get my hands on; I have no/never had self-esteem) and have only slept with one guy with which I was kicked out and went back home crying (first time with sex, period, and I'm pretty sure blow up dolls are treated better than I was).

Ever since then, I'm stuck. I can't even try to have one night stands (forget relationships!!!) because I'm terrified of being sexually intimate (or just being semi-naked) with someone. It's been almost a decade since I've even touched anyone with that kind of intent. I know I'm broken but I need help, toys only do so much unfortunately