I’m turning 25 in a few months and my dad just turned 70 and my mom is 59 and step dad is 63, no siblings and not close to relatives. Ok. In general I have sorta felt like I’ve lost some time due to bad relationships but it was never that deep or something to freak out about. August 2019 my dad told me he has eye cancer and either they could do radiation which might damage his site and he wouldn’t be able to work, or they could remove the eye or he could do nothing. If he chose nothing then there was most likely 5 years before it starts to spread. He chose not to do anything. I’m not close to him and honestly it wouldn’t upset me if he was gone, but holy hell since that day I have had the worst anxiety about existence, timing, and losing my parents. I suddenly felt pressured to accomplish everything I want to without fully being ready to do so. It made me realize who will be there for me when everyone else is gone? I will have so many decades in between then.

My dream and goal life is to have that husband and kids but be super super close to family and have huge gatherings and vacations together and people who will support you. I also don’t want to be old when I have kids either and 30 seems pushing it for me. I am so jealous of the other 20 year olds who have 40-48 year old parents. Growing up all my grandpas were gone and my grandmas were slow and old and my parents didn’t have enough energy to play with me I mean hello my dad was 45. It broke my heart when my grandma passed before I could graduate high school all I wanted was for her to see me graduate. With that being said, I am single and it terries me that for me to accomplish what I want, I can’t wait too long but yet I don’t feel ready. My recent ex cost me a lot of friends and while I’m getting back on my feet I only have one friend left who I barely talk to and haven’t seen in 2 years. Had so many plans and corona stopped them.

All in all I’m reminded that by the time I’m in my 30s i could lose a parent if his cancer spreads which I’m not wishing for. Then I question my own existence who will be there for me when I’m 105? Who will be there for me in the years leading up to it? Who can I talk to and spend holidays with and cry and laugh with? Now I’m scared of what comes after and I don’t know what to believe. Do we never see our family again? I’ve heard of stories where someone’s 90 year old relative saw family members before passing then I’ve heard nothing exists just pitch black. When I’m super super super old will I be sad and lonely or will I have people there for me?

The life I want all falls on me and it’s so much stress. I never used to fear this or think so much about it till my dad mentioned his cancer. Anyone else have this anxiety or know what causes it