What’s your take on old saved nudes (exes and flings)?
Warning: this is long I AM SORRY
Okay so basically I was with my boyfriend over the weekend, football Sunday, the man (of course lol) gets drunk for football. At the end of the night, I notice some girl snaps him a selfie and I said who is that and he said “no one” and he never replies to her. I say okay. I notice his main friends on his snap list are all females (please excuse how immature this sounds I feel so dumb to be bothered by it but I’m trying to find unbiased advice and you’ll understand at the end). Later in the night he just gently tossed me his phone out of nowhere and said “here you can look through it” so I said hm okay, clearly he has nothing to hide if it’s that easy. I assume he did this because I expressed concern about the subject earlier.
So I look through it, all is clear, but I get to Snapchat and I see again his main friends he talks to often (or seems to) are all females. Now I try not to be bothered by this, because my closest friends are males and they appear as MY main list of friends so obviously it wouldn’t be fair for me to tell him he can’t talk to women and have them as friends if I don’t abide by my own rules (plus obviously that’s just not right anyway). So I check out the conversations. Two of the women, who have recently been talking to him, he has old nudes saved in their chat (FROM TWO YEARS AGO to clarify, they are NOT recent and I didn’t even know him two years ago). Another woman is someone who he used to have a fling with it seemed (also from two years ago before I knew him) that still talks to him. And lastly, another one gave him her number, and I know he had been talking to her and she seemed to try to get him to come over but he kept making excuses why he couldn’t. (I did ask him about this and he assured me she was nothing, was a girlfriend of someone he knows from another town near us, and if I felt better he would stop talking to her bc my happiness meant more to him. He also said this was an old friend of him and his roommate’s that he hasn’t spoken to in awhile.)
So basically my main concern is he has old (2018) saved nudes (not to his phone, just the snap conversations) and these women are still talking to him. Should I be concerned? I did confront him about it the next morning when he was sober and he wasn’t mad, didn’t get defensive, nothing at all just simply said (okay I’ll fix it). Nice and easy. I discussed it later in the day bc it was still bothering me and again, easy discussion and he wasn’t mad one bit. However, I can’t stop thinking about it. He has given me no reason to believe he would cheat on me, and I definitely don’t want to be that person of “you can’t talk to other women”, especially when the majority of my friends are males and he has no problem with it at all.
He isn’t defensive or anything whenever I confront him, him and I both have a past of being cheated on so he understands my worries and never gets mad when I ask these questions, and he is never secretive with his phone and has no problems if I use it for something or he just gives me it to change a song or something when driving. I would assume if he was hiding anything, he would be defensive, secretive with his phone, deflective (like trying to say I’m cheating since I have many male friends), or would get very angry if I brought up any mention of it but none of that happens.
I’ve had terrible experiences with past relationships and I’ve dated probably the worst liar, manipulator, and cheater in history previously and I have such a fear of finding something like that again it makes me feel insecure even though I try to act otherwise. I’m in my head way too much for my own good. I’m also just so worried that someone CAN be just that good at lying and manipulating and my luck I’d find that type of person again. Is it normal that men just have old nudes for whatever weird reasons? Can anyone help a girl out?
Thank you 🙏🏼
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.