Scared DH

My DH knows I like it rough. Last night I've told him to pick it up a little. A spank here and there. Hands just at my neck, nothing to hurt me. That freaked him out. He was like no way, no no no! I understand his view and happy he doesn't want to even think about harming me. So I told him, you can tap a little harder then with the spank, I won't break lol. I think I scared him. Any tips to get him to loosen up and not be so "vanilla" in the bed