*long post* I just need to vent for a second..

so my little guy is nearly 5 months. I’ve just purchased the Little Z’s 4-5m sleep plan and tonight was our first night for the 14 night plan. I’ve had it for a week so my boyfriend, the baby’s father, would be on board and he seemed cool with it yesterday when we started looking over everything we need to do.

And let me preface this with that I am so desperate for sleep like a new mom is. I’m a sahm atm and am the main parent that is up with baby throughout the night during the week. He doesn’t sleep totally horrible but he requires rocking which can take precious sleep time for me. I just really want him to be able to put him self to sleep whenever he’s put in his crib.

Back to today, the plan says the dad should be the one that is there to comfort baby until they fall asleep (no rocking or holding) in his crib for the first 2 nights. Simple voice comfort. Right from the start of the bedtime routine (mind you we’ve been implementing a bedtime routine since baby was born so nothing different) my bf has an attitude about it all since he’s the one having to deal with baby crying before falling asleep. Well I can hear what my bf is saying over the monitor, kind of mocking the whole thing. It’s been about 15 min at this point of our son doing a heartbreaking cry. My bf gets to the point of swearing about something and I just had it with the attitude. I go in the room and offer to take the baby and do the plan myself. He makes a comment about what could I do different that he was doing and I tell him i don’t appreciate the attitude. Fast forward a few minutes and he says he doesn’t understand why we’re doing this cus we have our routine and our son usually sleeps good. That just pisses me off cus he doesn’t understand that I’m the one that is up most of the night getting maybe 4 hrs of sleep for the past 5 months tending to the baby when he does wake up. And my bf gets to blissfully sleep all night. I just broke down crying and telling him how I’m suffering with anxiety, suicidal thoughts and panic attacks because of lack of sleep and he complains about why we’re doing this. Like hello I’m over here dying of sleep deprivation, the least you could do is help with 2 nights of an hour or two of baby crying cus of the change.

It’s just the audacity to sweep my feelings under the rug cus you have to be a father for 2 seconds. 😡😤😭