Overcoming delivery trauma..help!


Hey all,

I had a pretty traumatic birth experience during my second delivery and still shudder and low key have a panic attack every time I think about it! I wasn’t planning on becoming pregnant again any time soon until I had come to terms with it and would be more comfortable with the idea of giving birth. However, we unexpectedly got pregnant and I’m now expecting my third in January!

I’m completely terrified of giving birth and don’t know what to do..I try my best not to think about it right now but when my thoughts do wander to giving birth I start getting super anxious and literally have sleepless nights!

Background story...it may not seem like a big deal to most and everyone keeps telling me I should be thankful it was so fast and all..but I can’t shake the trauma I felt!

I had what they termed a “precipitous labour”..I had been having contractions all day but they were more like Braxton Hicks and I could easily handle them. At about 6am I thought “maybe” I might need to go to the hospital..still wasn’t sure cuz I could still handle them. I decided to shower and shit got real! Contractions quickly escalated and i was unable to move properly..I was on all fours on the floor moaning and groaning feeling like I would die of the pain! My mom had to dress me quickly so we could go to the hospital which was thankfully only five mins away. When we checked into triage it was 7:15am and nurses were in panic mode cuz baby’s heartbeat was decreasing...I was completely out of it and kept screamign that I needed to pee but they wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom! They I started asking for epidural..and was told its too late there isnt time. I started to panic and hyperventilate because I was in total shock..they wheeled me to the delivery room and doc came in rightt away and said I’m going to break your water bag and you have to start pushing. I was not prepared for this because my first labour was long (17.5 hours) and pushing took quite a while too (2 hours)! I just started to panic because I felt so out of control and in pain and didn’t know what to do! I cudnt even push properly because I was so delirious and kept doing the opposite of what they said! I had no idea why they were being so urgent....doc sternly told me to push or he would have to do something manually. That scared me so I pushed..baby was born at 7;41am...the doc said I broke all hospital records and they called it a “drive and dash” delivery. Turns out cord was wrapped around baby’s neck which is why his heart rate was dropping..and doc told my family that we shduve come sooner as it cudve been a very different outcome! And that next time we should come much earlier! Also..he was born at 37 weeks! My recovery was thankfully amazing..in comparison with my first! The delivery with my first was much calmer (had epidural) but the postpartum recovery was brutal..with my second the delivery was traumatic but the postpartum recovery was great!

Now i don’t know what to do with the third! Do I go with or without epidural?! I don’t want to feel any vaginal tearing during birth but I also don’t want to deal with the pain of peeing after having a catheter put in if I get an epidural 😖😖😖

Also what are the chances that labour will be fast with third as well..:I’m so scared that we might not even make it to hospital in time!

Super anxious mom!

Please help!